Thursday, June 30, 2005

Getting Closer

... No se si es la ansiedad o que, pero ultimamente he estado teniendo sue~os muy vividos. Me acuerdo de tres, de los cuales dos tienen que ver con mi familia de parte de papi (a quien muy pronto estare visitando, claro, sin conocimiento de el).

El primero que tuve fue bastante obvio: la ansiedad con el viaje por avion en si. So~e que estaba dando el viaje, pero en vez de estar dentro del avion, estaba sentada en una sillita puesta afuera, sobre el ala ... sin cinturon de seguridad ni nada ... de mas esta decir que el sue~o entero estuve haciendome un ocho tratando de mantenerme sobre la silla. Un susto.

El segundo sue~o tuvo de escenario una casa bastante similar a la ultima casa en la cual papi vivio aqui en PR. Estabamos todos reunidos (todos siendo yo, mis hermanos, mis hermanastros, mi madrastra y mi papa) ... no recuerdo pormenores del sue~o... ya no, q jodienda! A mi se me suele olvidar con facilidad esos detalles.

El de anoche fue mas vivido aun (o al menos esta bien fresquecito en mi mente, aparte de q fue bastante largo... se me pego la sabana y todo). Soñe con tres hombres. Ninguno es mi pareja actual. Pero con todos estaba involucrada (lo cual me parece una puteria de mi parte, pero total: no tengo control sobre lo que sue~o).
Uno de ellos era jovencito, probablemente no mayor de 22 o 23 a~os de edad, palido, bien delgado, de ojos azul electrico(unos ojos muy bonitos, por cierto, y eso que no soy devota de los ojos claros) y pelo rizado, negro. Ese era mi "admirador" fiel, perrito faldero, lo q quieran llamarle. Lindo como el sol, pero con una personalidad sosa por mas decir. Sin embargo en el sue~o me vi en un momento enjorqueta con el... a varios niveles, para ser honesta. Besandolo y abrazandolo con unas ganas incandescentes ... :-S ... y lo peor: considerandolo como pareja en mi mente, aun cuando sabia que dejaba mucho que desear en cuanto a fuerza de personalidad.
El segundo era feo como el rayetes, feo a nivel de este cabron:
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... pero menos amarillento. Lo problematico del asunto es que no importa que tan feo y desagradable era, desataba en mi un deseo sexual irreprimible.
El tercero ... H.. No se qué hace H. en mis sue~os, pero bueno, es su problema, no el mio. Lo curioso es que a el era a quien le confesaba toda la verdad ... pq supuestamente era con el con quien yo estaba a nivel formal. Bueno ... un despingue ...

La noche fabulosa q tuve tiene que haberme jamaqueado el cerebro, de seguro. Eso o los Butter Toffee Peanuts dan pesadillas o sue~os extra~os.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

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Last night I had the weirdest experience yet. I stayed over at Eze's apartment. All normal in the course of things. We had dinner, some beers, we had Pepe over for a visit, a nice time, some fun, it was good. I went to sleep, and Eze followed shortly after (although I barely noticed when he came in, I think I was sound asleep).

Later on, I wake up. Eze was talking in his sleep, almost shouting. Obviously, a nightmare, so I woke him up. I asked him what his dream was, he told me he dreamt of being lost in a forest, which strikes me as funny 'cuz he had woken me up from a dream in which I was walking through a forest with him (not so lost, though). I tell him this and say "Next time look for me, you weren't that lost after all" as if it were the most natural thing (at 2 or 3 AM anything makes sense). Then I went back to sleep. However, it surprises me a bit that I still remember this. I usually forget about dreams and things that happen to me when I'm half asleep. They're usually a blur under my consciousness.

Well, not this time. Seems like Eze and I actually shared a walk through the forest.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005



Feeling it more acutely. This is going to be a problem. I am fairly regular in my hormonal cycles, which means I might be having this same sensation a month from now ... which means I will be feeling like this just as I return to PR from that long expected vacation at my Dad's. I'm gonna be a mushy pile of shit.

Eze called me this morning: some motherfucking IDIOT smashed his window... apparently with no particular interest, since the only thing removed from the car was a jack hidden under the seat.

My mother has been in a bitchy mood (apparently) since yesterday. When confronted about said mood today she became prim-Miss-Rosie and suddenly ... oh! what have I been talking about? She? a bitch? NEVER! Oh dear, how dare I accuse her of that?! I am the bitch usually and will always be ... shuar!

Anyways, yesterday I had the most funny phone-run-in with my Dad. He was apparently at a loss trying to download some music and he thought it was supposed to be delivered at his e-mail acocunt. But the only thing in his inbox was a message filled with what he described as "binary code" (which I suppose is in truth just a bunch of random letters, numbers and characters). After a desperate call to Eze and some read-over at the site, I realize he needs (well, not so much needs, but that would ease the process) a client to download the mp3s. So I tell him, I download a copy of the exe file over here to guide him along, etc etc ... funny thing is he tells me he had downloaded the program. I tell him to try it again, to uninstall the old one and install the newest version. As soon as he opens his exe file he realizes: he had downloaded de exe file but hadn't run it ever ... he thought that was the way programs work ...


enditoooooo! ^_^ That's my Dad! (the same guy who wrote "Backap" instead of "back up")


Love ya, Dad!

Monday, June 13, 2005

(feeling blue, out of sorts, vulnerable, depressed ... looking for an answer deep inside what I know to be true)




LA ERA ESTA PARIENDO UN CORAZON

Le he preguntado
a mi sombra
a ver como ando
para reirme
mientras el llanto
con voz de templo
rompe en la sala
regando el tiempo.

Mi sombra dice
que reirse
es ver los llantos
como mi llanto
y me he callado
desesperado
y escucho entonces
la tierra llora.

La era esta pariendo
un corazon
no puede mas
se muere de dolor
y hay que acudir corriendo
pues se cae el porvenir.
En cualquier selva del mundo
en cualquier calle.

Debo dejar la casa
y el sillon
la madre vive hasta que muere el sol
y hay que quemar el cielo
si es preciso por vivir
Por cualquier hombre del mundo
por cualquier casa.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005



Well, haven't posted in a bit and a few changes have gone underway, but all good.

1) I cut my hair, and my stars were good with me this time. My brother liked it, which says a LOT, since he's very nitpicky and extremely honest when it comes to my general appearance. My boyfriend loved it (well, that's what he said, plus his face spoke by itself, so I don't doubt it). And most importantly: I liked it. A lot. It changes my overall look considerably, which I love. So this is a keeper for the moment being. Will post pics later on ('cuz I haven't taken any)

2) Mari broke my ears' hymen! Tee hee ^_^ I got gauge 8 tapers through my earlobes now. They are sore, but getting better ... s l o w l y... Thanx, Mari!

3) This week I started doing my exercise routine with Eze (I had been doing it alone or with my mother). He has given me new drive: he pushes me to jog (or run, I don't know, I am so slow that my sprints could be mistaken for brisk jogs), and yesterday he introduced me to the running track in the UPR, Río Piedras campus. Beautiful, big, spacy, I LOVE it! :D

Tonight we're going to the premiere gala of Mr. & Mrs. Smith. Nice one!