Cheers ... without the Jose Cuervo.

Listening to: Cheers Darlin' - Damien Rice
Mood: ... oh dear

This song had been looping in my head for a few days now, but I had totally forgotten who sung it or the name, everything had scrammed from my memory except the sorrowful despair that it carries. Should have assumed and trusted that Eze would include it in one of the MP3 CDs he made for me some time ago.

Now, why did it loop that way for so many days? Why am I feeling this particular way at times? So many things are going right, so many things have gotten fixed... this ungrateful little bitch sitting here cannot deal with a bit of sadness in the blood? Damn!

Here is the latest on how to fight boredom...

I don't even know what's going on really inside of me. I suppose automatically a disorder of sorts, usually blame myself, my neuron connections, my subconscious workings, I blame no one else... I never do. Whenever things aren't as pretty as one hopes, why do I start feeling doomsday weighing on my shoulder? Things start looking less pink... why does the gradient jump to gray?

Why do I make his memories my own... don't I have enough with what I have lived, with the baggage I bring to all this? It's almost beautiful how all of it merges into this big ball of dark glass and tears.

What this feels like: unexplainable. But it depresses, it sinks, it washes me in salt and vinegar. Until I feel jaded, sea-treated, like rusty metal ... like the things I love ... but when they cut, they kill. If only feelings were more organic, less shiny, then the luster wouldn't be gone that easily. Then it would all behave like the inside spiral of a seashell: always shiny, neverending.


How do you turn a chain into a seashell?

How do you erase your memory, how do you unchain yourself from all that made you who you are ... how do you get to be new again?

Cheers Darlin' - Damien Rice

Cheers darlin'
Here's to you and your lover boy
Cheers darlin'
I got years to wait around for you
Cheers darlin'
I've got your wedding bells in my ear
Cheers darlin'
You give me three cigarettes to smoke my tears away

And I die when you mention his name
And I lied, I should have kissed you
When we were running the reins

What am I darlin'?
A whisper in your ear?
A piece of your cake?
What am I, darlin?
The boy you can fear?
Or your biggest mistake?

Cheers darlin'
Here's to you and your lover man
Cheers darlin'
I just hang around and eat from a can
Cheers darlin'
I got a ribbon of green on my guitar
Cheers darlin'
I got a beauty queen
To sit not very far from here

I die when he comes around
To take you home
I'm too shy
I should have kissed you when we were alone

What am I darlin'?
A whisper in your ear?
A piece of your cake?
What am I, darlin?
The boy you can fear?
Or your biggest mistake?

Oh what am I? What am I darlin'?
I got years to wait...