Re:

Why is it that for me, even if life has pulled me to and fro, I do not feel the weigh of past wounds... do I not learn?

Why is it that I pay no heed to consistent heartbreak, and make the same mistakes all over again?

I retain the same joy in loving, the same carelessness in throwing my heart away, in surrendering myself to the tiniest whims of emotions ... still a child at heart and not in the best sense.

I see others around me growing more cautious, even in love itself, incapable of the same innocent surrender they once were. In me I only see the same carelessness intertwined with a dark tendency to feel doom in the slightest cloud.

I have a belief that love will be love wherever you put it, however you feel it. That's why these "grown up" tendencies to be more cautious or more detached scare me so, cuz a hardened hard is just too easy to find... the easy way out of just feeling and living the most out of life.

Maybe I'm being to hard on the others, maybe I'm being immature at all .... this...

But to see the apples around me rotting away while I still work hard at keeping my own core intact ... it's frustrating, it breaks my heart.

And maybe this drama won't help at all, but one too many times I have seen people being spoiled for good by situations ...

Maybe one day I will be the old lady sitting in a corner smiling out the window, not caring at all, still feeling like a toddler, still remembering all except how she got into the assylum.

If only old age would get here fast, then maybe I will only see that the rotten apples around me resemble little dark hearts, wilted flowers, something out of a song, something that doesn't touch me ... by then only sunlight and breeze will touch me, and those never rot at all ...