Suddenly I remember the warm and fuzzy feeling that invaded me a bit over 5 years ago when I learned I was pregnant. A feeling of internal peace mixed with anxiety over what would my fate be as a single mother... I still remember what it felt like to NEVER feel alone, no matter where I went, a silent small presence filling your every moment... a comfort, to be honest.
The physical aspect of the whole 2-month-old ordeal wasn't half bad either. More interesting than unpleasant. Although I've never relished feeling nauseous, the rest of it felt like floating inside a bubble, far from everything surrounding me, strangely peaceful, introspective and light.
Truth is, I do not want a kid. I am not into the "being a mother" business, and it is very unclear to me at the time wether I will ever be. But since that dream, I remember more clearly how unearthly it felt to be pregnant ... and I do know that I would like to carry a pregnancy out to fruition sometime in my life, even if I do not keep the kid. Seems like a very selfish thing to want, but hey! Not all feelings that spring forth from our hearts have to be generous to be genuine.
Cheers to having another life inside, even if it is only for a little while!
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