I find myself being less tolerant of others lately. Some cynism might have found its way into my system ... may be the water. Still feeling like I don't know exactly what I'm waiting for ... my upcoming trip to FLA? moving out of my mom's spare room? dropping those 20+ extra pounds which make me look hideous? cutting my hair into a more manageable/kooky/trendy style?
It's like suddenly I stopped living in the future, none of my "plans" excite me into ecstasy anymore. There are a few things (like all of those mentioned above) which I want to do, some I am doing already (like the diet, which is going ok, considering that half my pot-belly is gone and my mother says the weight loss is noticeable around the hips ... or the hairstyle change, which I made an appointment for in a week).
But my usual pasttime, my favorite, daydreaming, doesn't happen all that easily anymore. :-( Something is missing in me: the child-like illusion that "tomorrow holds a better surprise yet". I don't know what took that away from me. It makes me sad that somehow, at a certain point or juncture, I lost the ability to dream.
Is this what "being an adult" feels like? If this is it, even though it's not terribly disgusting, I wish I could go back to the extreme ups and downs, the emotional outlook on life. The extreme happiness combined with the depressing down-times. I don't want a gray life. I want my vivid-colors filter back. :-(
Whoever took it: please return said item.
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