Intimacy

On Friday I realized what "intimacy" is really about.

Every year, since I joined the working class, a Christmas party is held. This varies in few details from one workplace to the next. The place, the people, the music, the drinks, the dress code... it all doesn't matter 'cuz it's for the same reason (drinking to your bowels' content on your employer's budget) and with the same excuse (Christmas spirit... bah, humbug, says I, but not for the same reason I used to 'til last year - more on that ... any other day).

Thing is that usually the message in the invitation and the motto during the party and the word rolling from one corporate tongue to the next is the same: "So we can get to know each other better, so we can share this moment together". But who does that?

One goes into the party more or less in small groups, or maybe alone but you eventually end up in the same group of people you work with. It is a strange occurrence if you get to meet new people, and if you do you will inevitably forget all about it by next week.

For some sad people, this party is the be-all end-all of the whole year festivities. They would rather be there than with their own family. For some even sadder people (specially women, and I included myself in this little group at one point, but no longer) it is an excuse to spend more time with their clandestine affair, maybe even dance a number or two "for the sake of Christmas spirit" ... oh, brother! You know that as soon as you scurry out of the place, both of you will scamper to the nearest motel, fuck your drunken brains out and then he will go home to his wife, and you will arrive all sad, alone and depressed to your own home

But last Friday I finally noticed the real scale with which intimacy works. At least in my life it has changed and it feels more appropriate now. I was feeling all out of sorts and lonely in there. I definitely don't fit in anymore, and the difference lies in that I don't want to anymore either. I scrammed out of there as soon as I noticed a lost call from (ironically) the one person that left me to arrive all lonely and depressed to my empty home at some point in my life. That one phone call was a lot more real than all I had experienced in that lousy party. And as soon as I got home, talked to my sister, brother, mom and boyfriend, that one phonecall lost relevance too. I finally understand where the core of intimacy lies. Not in sex, but in love. In family.