Today has been the day of the weirdest reactions from me, ranging from psycho to desperately jealous over bullshit. I don't know where all of this comes from, I don't know why my emotional range is veering so sharply away from what my mind knows to be true. Why the doubt? Why the rage? Why the jealousy? Why this acrid sadness sticking at the back of my throat, choking me up, filling my tongue with a salty aftertaste of tears not yet spilled?
Why do my eyes water up at imaginary mishaps and heartbreaks? Why do I already feel heartbroken?
I feel lonely even if I'm constantly surrounded by people, even if I get calls every once in a while... I feel lonely inside myself. I think I need help, but I can't even bring myself to look a shrink up.
I don't know what I want. I want to get out of here, but I don't know where I wanna go. I feel heartbroken, but nothing's wrong in my sentimental life. I miss my Dad, but I don't feel like calling him more often 'cuz I don't know what to say (except "I miss you", but I've said that before, to no response at all, just a swift change of subject from him or his wife).
I feel lonely, but I want to be alone too. I feel neglected, but it doesn't mean I haven't been tended to. It can't be anyone else's fault. Just my own.
I don't understand what's wrong with me. Do I want to?
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