I am sitting here with very little that I can actually say, but many emotions broiling inside.

Sometimes you wish for things that you can't actually sustain, not in a practical, realistic matter. However you dream of it, wish for it... want it so bad that you start feeling it won't happen. You get so used to things getting botched or fucked up halfways, that you figure it will happen so in your life always.

Growing up does things to you, it also changes your dreams and your aspirations. Very few things stay the same as the dreams you had when you were a child. At least I know that in my dreams and lifelong goals for my life, the core value of what I want is the same: I want to be happy, lead a happy life. What I see as happinness has changed through the course of time, and many of the decisions I have taken, the big ones, have been in pursue of what I believe to be my happinness.

Somewhere along the line I read or heard one of those chain letters that tend to take up precious bytes in your inbox, it said something along the line of being happy now, instead of when we actually acquire whatever it is we believe could make us happy. It was a good advice, surprisingly, and would be the key to many a miserable existence. However, it is more difficult to follow than it seems at first.

Maybe because of our human condition, maybe because we're greedy little monkeys, but thing is: we are never happy enough with what we have. We are always looking for new ways to make our life better, to be more content with our existence. I guess this is how science and technology came to be. It's all good until it touches your private life.

I have hurt the one I love. Somehow I made him feel that he wasn't good enough, and how far from the truth!

Tonight, however, I have yet to find the right words to soothe the wound. I am at loss for words, even if the emotions broil away, scalding the edges of my throat.

I have been so besotted with the whole notion that he and I are alike in so many ways, that we get along fabulously, that I haven't felt as happy and comfortable with someone else ... that something got lost in the way. Maybe I forgot to ground myself in reality and keep it in mind that we are not one and the same, that when such relationships happen, inevitably someone will get hurt at some point. Such is real life, such is love. And such are human relations: you should never trust another more than you trust yourself. No one can carry you better than your own two feet.

I think that right about now I should be dropping the pink shades and pour the watery piña colada down the drain. Reality may have a bite to it, but it is ultimately what we all should be partaking on.

Honeymoon's over, Diana. Time to wake up!