It has been maybe two or three weeks ... I don't know for certain how much time has passed, but it has been long enough since I last had some decent "quality" time alone with Eze. It hasn't been his fault, really: work is always there in the foreground, specially these last few weeks (anniversary celeb coordinations and such) and almost a whole week of being sick hasn't helped much. Plus my own birthday, which was a time of gathering, but left little time for us to spend alone.

I miss him, and he keeps asking me why do I miss him, since we spend about 3 or 4 nights a week together. But, at least to me, sleeping with someone doesn't necessarily qualify as "time together". And these past few times, be it my fault, his or no one's, the only time we spend together alone is in bed or in the car en route to someone's house or to meet someone. All that is fine, such is real life, but ... I can't help feeling something is amiss.

Lately, we have grown a bit less tolerant of each other, we fight with more ease, and I can't figure out for the life of me if it is due to too much time together, or too little. Doesn't mean I love him less, on the contrary, I grow more and more attached to him (even if he says he isn't ready for a full committment ... I can wait...)

It scares me to think that he might grow weary of me, even if he says he won't (romance always makes a promise that real love will break). I know I can get to be overbearing, but I cannot help it. I like being close to him, to see him smile, and more than that, to see him smile at me. These last few days, problems have clouded that smile over ... which I can understand but still pierces my heart to see.

I have asked him many times to set a weekend aside so we can get away. It's always something To Do but it is never done. The urgent things always come first. And it will always be such, 'cuz this is REAL LIFE, and as such, urgent things will ALWAYS come first. Problem is: I am ready to burst. I have to get out of my house for a longer time than just a fortnight, have to get out of San Juan ... have to drive out onto the road (a road that was my friend on countless occasions, a relaxer, a therapy) ... I think I might have to take that trip alone. One thing I did not realize when I fell in love with Eze is that I fell in love with someone who's got an unbudging passion for what he does. I love that about him. His Saturdays are totally committed to his radio program (except on one occasion, something that I am almost sure he regrets). I totally respect that and admire it. Might as well just live with that, pack my things, and set out for the sunset alone. At least for a weekend. At least for a while. Maybe some seabreeze will open up my mind and clear the cobwebs.

Maybe I can come back a refreshed person, someone who will stand by strong and undemanding. I think that first I have to tend to myself.