Spamming

Just a bit pissed off. I appreciate that people I don't know read this blog, I wouldn't have thought it possible, and maybe it's not entirely true, but the possibility doesn't bother me. However, it DOES piss me off that out of the blue people come into my blogs (this one and Anais's Travels) and use the comment section like an ad forum. I don't do this to anyone, not even to plug my own blogs, much less to plug websites or whatever else it is that people like YOU ( dominque19kalyn and someone else whose user got erased from my registry as soon as I deleted his/her comment) are trying to plug. News and ads do not interest me, or at least I do not appreciate my blog being used as a tableau for commercial/public expression. If I want to see ads or read news, I will log onto the appropriate sites. This is not one of them. Please do not use my blog to plug your shit anymore. Besides, this doesn't get many hits. Go get a popular blog and leave mine well alone.

Moving day is at hand. Prepare to move your very, very odd family.

^{"They put our burrow on the fourth floor!"}

Viernes, segun sali, fue para hacer unas diligencias con mi hermano (creo yo) ... tiene que haber sido asi, casi no recuerdo el viernes en la noche, solo se q mi adorada media toronja esa noche no durmio, sino que se quedo dormido en las escaleras del nuevo apartamento tratando de subir el sof (que eventualmente termino botandose pq no habia forma de hacerlo caber ni por las escaleras ni por el balcon)

El sabado me levante relativamente temprano (9:30AM) para llevar a mi mama a donde la estilista pq se le antojo que el recorte del fin de semana anterior se lo habian hecho mal. (OJO: A esa hora que sali fue que desayune, como a las 10AM). Luego de estar una hora y pico alla, la lleve a Sam's a hacer compras (ya ahi eran como las 12 del mediodia). Saliendo de Sam's, zacate! una pelea con Chichi (mi hermana) y su condenao telefono-apendice. Eniweis, eso fue llegar a casa con la compra, para cambiarme, montar las cajas de la mudanza mia que ya tenia listas al baul de mi carro y arrancar para Santurce para empezar las labores de mudanza. No me acuerdo ya ni que hora era cuando sali de casa de mi madre.

El sabado fue cuestion de subir al cuarto piso puros bloques de cemento (estos son parte integral de los tablilleros de Eze y Fonso, 22 bloques en total). Aparte de eso, muchas otras cosas mas se subieron por esas escaleras, aparte de la nevera y la estufa, que la subieron los se~ores que las trajeron, pero igual, es tremendo trabajito. A fin de cuentas salimos de alli como a las 7:30 embalaos, sin ba~arnos, sudados, apestosos, hambrientos (pq nunca nos detuvimos a comer) hacia la estacion (incluida yo, pq el sabado fue mi debut como colaboradora de Frecuencias Alternas wiiii ). Eso fue caer en casa, recoger una muda de ropa para arrancar para la estacion, y alla tienen un ba~ito (SIN calentador, esa agua sale como de freezer) y alli me pude venir a ba~ar como a las 10PM y con un dolor de cabeza encojonao, que se me exacerbo con el frio excesivo, y olvidate ... sin comer tampoco desde las 10AM (por doce horas) me sentia digna de un flushazo ... Me tuve que recostar en el piso de uno de los salones sin usar, no pude cumplir con mis tareas de archivista oficial del programa esa noche y para el colmo al acostarme el dolor de cabeza se fue in crescendo... Vinimos a comer a las 2AM, despues de salir del programa. Y ya mi dolor de cabeza convertido en migra~a estaba tan fuerte, q me dio nauseas y no pude comer tampoco. Una Advil y pa'la cama a eso de las 2:30AM.

El domingo nos levantamos al mediodia, me comi las sobras mias de la noche anterior, y asi mismo le meti las manos a la cocina, para empacar todo todo todo lo que habia alli. A eso de las 4:30 o 5PM salimos al apt nuevo (ya los muchachos habian hecho par de rondas con la ayuda del papa y el hermano de Eze)... lo mismo ... no comimos de nuevo sino hasta las 7:30 ... sali del meollo como a las 10PM, muerta de cansancio, sudada ... pa mi casa, donde igual, nadie nunca se entero del trabajo horrible que pase (si, lo resiento, pq Eze tenia a su hermano y a su papa ayudandonos, Fonso tenia a su papa y a su amigo ayudandonos ... yo no tenia a nadie, mi hermano me salio con el issue de que estaba enfermo y listo, mi mama y mi hermana no me iban a ayudar... y mi papa en Florida ... ... q era el quien siempre me ayudaba con esas cosas ... ayyy, pa!

Eniweis, ya hoy los chicos entregan su apt viejo, aun faltaban par de cosas, pero creo q sacamos el grueso del trabajo alante en el fin de semana, con el unico gran detalle de que ninguno de nosotros descanso un carajo ... pero creo q valio la pena la movida ... ahora solo falta lo mio

Get Happy

... on the tragic qualities of human nature, or how we lose childhood's brilliance little by little until all is left is a gray, dry, empty husk.


Self Note:

Remember: "Elegia" by New Order

Stumbleine

Many things have come down since last time I wrote. I did have my one-week vacation, which was spent mostly apartment-hunting with Eze and Fonso. I had time to rest, to fool around, to stay up very very late... my last day, I went to a wake, though, something that shook the core of my small group of friends. M.'s mother died, and although I didn't know the lady, when Eze told me, it hit me like a stone to the face.

Strangely enough, even if my mother came to mind, it hurt most because of M., because I know how much this must hurt her. What else could I say at a moment like this? These are probably the kind of moments in which silence is perfection.

...


The move will start on Friday most possibly. Our new landlord's name is Edwin ("Hi! My name is Edwin! I will be your landlord today!" <-- yes, I could easily picture this rosy-cheeked person saying that) and the apartment is, for lack of better words, almost perfect:
3 spacy rooms
ample common space (living room/dining room)
a killer view (this is almost in the heart of our capital city, and you can see as far as the mountains, even on a hazy day)
very nice ventilation (a breeze runs through it, YES!)

The only deal that concerns me a bit is the Luna(dog)/Chivita(cat) interaction possibilities:
Worst case scenario: Cat & Dog will hate each other to death, or at least to the point of trying to kill each other, and Luna will have to spend weekdays, 8AM - 5PM, inside our room, destroying everything in sight out of pure boredom or desperation to get out.
Best case scenario: They will ignore each other, in which case it would be fine and dandy, I could let Luna roam the place freely during the day.

Another option would be to leave Luna at Mom's during the week, and then have a divorced-parent-like deal in which I could pick her up on Friday and return her Sunday night. But I still have heavy doubts, even about that arrangement, which would mean possible feelings of unstability and anxiety for Luna. Plus Monday was Ex-Pet Day too...

Yeah, Ex-Pet Day: Aeris's owner asked me to take care of her for a few weeks, while Copito (their other dog, one cute, little, white puff who has allegedly been a wonderful playmate for Aeris)recovers from an acute heart condition. Mom said "yes" on our following phone call (she even went as far as to say "How could I say no, if you're taking me to Dianita's on saturday?" (Dianita is our hairstylist, she lives a 30-minutes drive away, and while to me that is a reasonable distance, Mom refuses to drive beyond the San Juan-Rio Piedras borders, even Guaynabo is a bit too far and to me that is just plain lazy)... then, later on I got a call from my brother, ranting about all that was wrong about putting together Hyper-jumper Luna with Uber-crazy Aeris... then when I got home, Mom went ahead and against all my wishes that she would hold true to her word, she changed her mind. Unfortunately, I'm not the vengeful type. I'm still taking her to Dianita's. But I just wish that for once she started doing things for herself. It's not even the gas expenses, I can live with that. Last known time she drove to a place more than 20 minutes away was to go to Palmas del Mar to meet up with the prick that was her lover at the time. If she could place just half the effort to do things for herself instead of doing things to please men ... **sigh**

Well, that same night, after the whole hair-rising scene that ensued out of mom's chickenshit back-out, I received a call from an unknown number. Somebody had found Cleo (my second cat, and Aeris's second playmate, being Nina - Mom's dog - her first). Now, I started wondering why the hell were they calling me. It has been more than a year since I moved out of Martha's house, handing Vero (one of my stepsisters, the oldest) the cat, a cat that was born into the family when I was 21 and working my private life away in Cabo Rojo for Unisys. I figured Vero would take good care of Cleo, I mean, this cat is family. Well, later on, long after the fact, I realized Vero had given the cat away. It didn't exactly surprise me, since she married into a family intolerant of cats (and with a combined IQ insufficient to understand that black cats are not bad luck). I trusted her, though, to had chosen an appropriate place for her, a place she would be loved and taken care of, as I did (while under my care, Cleo was spayed, tagged and got over her fear of small dogs). Surprised may I be to find that the idiot that adopted her didn't even bother to change the tag so it would display THEIR phone number! IT MAKES ME REALLY MAD!

... since life is telling me "This is what you get for giving pets away.", I'm not leaving anyone behind from now on. Luna stays with me, no matter what. Apparently you can't trust anyone, not even family, to give importance to the things you care about, much less care themsleves.

Going down the drain

Well, since I arrived (7/12) things haven't been exactly the same for me. During my 6-day trip to see my dad I realized how attached I've become to Eze, not in the sense of "oh-I-can't-live-without-you", but ... let's say it can be summed up in the following instance:

While I was there, most of the places I went to were malls. That's what Florida appears to be - a huge strip-mall without air conditioner. One of the malls I went to was in Naples. In there we visited stores in a whimsical manner: jewelry shops, pet turtle stands with ample tanks in the center, gag stores in which we whiled away the time and worries (and the money too)... we visited a bookstore, too. Not a huge bookstore, mind you, but organized and pretty enough to vaguely remind me of Border's in Escorial Plaza (one of our main hang-out places). I don't remember what we were looking at, but I suddenly got this thought in my mind "Well, this is nice! Nice place! And tonight I get to see Eze, which makes it even bet-" ... that's when I realized: I might not need Eze around all the time, but I do like to have him close by in my life... I have come to associate him with feeling comfortable and contented with my life in general.

Nonetheless, I had a good time in Florida. There are pictures still trapped inside the mem card in my camera, but the batteries I brought along with me pulled the plug in one of the worst moments, and what's worse: I never was able to take a picture of myself with my father. But there are pictures of my father and his wife and lots of other things ... which I might share later on... as soon as I get over my rage with the batteries and decide to put them into the camera again ... or as soon as I decide to replace them with new ones.

I got here, as I said, 7/12 ... to start working right away the next day. I was so lost. Our division (IT) had moved area again. It turned out for the best, though: I got a bigger desk, with an overhead bin and drawers to boot! It looks much more organized (and it is much more organized). So at work everything is cool, plus apparently everyone decided to go on vacation next week, so those of us left have to take the week off 'cuz they're shutting down anyway. Next week is off! Weeeeee ^_^

As a matter of fact, "next week is off" is a good one for me. Eze and I have our anniversary coming up (tomorrow!) and having the whole week off, both of us, is the best unplanned program ever. But our economic situation won't let us get as "away" as we would have liked, plus now the whole dispatch of gas has been paralized by the truck-drivers' union. (Yesh, shitty island, I know) I guess next week I will get to know the public transport system a whole lot better.

My sister bought the new installment on the Harry Potter book series:


Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

I started reading on Sunday or Monday, I think. I'm not even half way through the book and already some halfwit at this totally unrelated site placed the biggest spoiler right on the front page. DO NOT ENTER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW! At least I was REALLY put off by this. I might as well erase the link from my bookmarks and never peek into the site again. Other than that, the book is coming along pretty nicely (I know Eze would not agree, but then again, he hasn't read through a single HP book and seems to think that it's an either/or situation when it comes to Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings).

On Tuesday I sat Chichi down to watch Spirited Away. This would be the third time I've watched this movie, and I've noticed my reactions are as varied as my PMS moods.



This scene in particular, when they're riding the train across the "lake", gave me such a sensation of loneliness ... the same sensation I felt when I took the planes to and from Florida. Same lonely sensation, specially coming back. An empty gut feeling, like the mood in a hospital hall when you have some family member sick and dying... lonely, empty, silent ...

And that is pretty much what my dreams have been like since I arrived. I don't know where the fear of being left behind came from, but it has been exacerbated since I returned, to the point of dreaming that Eze had moved to the US (an improbability, far more impossible than getting some sense into Tom Cruise in these past few weeks)...

Well ... so this has been it for now. Pictures soon, depending on my mood and state of affairs with my batteries ...

BTW: put up a new blog, quite limited in theme, but hey! it's my space, and I think an open space for the subject of "pets" was long overdue anyways. I placed my first adoptee as first post, but I don't know why it won't play on the main window, like Mika's does! HELP?

From the Plane.. tha plane!

yes, from the plane... I may post this later on, but at least here, now, as I write this, i'm on board. And it's more meek, lame, mild, blah than I remember. These seats are as uncomfortable as having your dentist ask you to please remove your clothes from the waist down. This is savage: we get crammed in a barely adequate space for six people side by side, and there are eight of us here. Four on the aisle and two and two by the windows. Thankfully I got a window seat... well, does it really matter? I'm getting bored anyway, it's not like the view has anything to offer: blue blue blue blue... oh, and white and blue again. (although i just looked out the window, and there IS a zen-like appeal to the whole electric blue view .... with white little rain-sheep speckled all over... clouds are cleaner on this side).

The anxiety over meeting Dad has subsided a bit (only a bit) to be replaced by my immediate attention to the fact that my back and my neck hurt - was it the backpack? or these cruelly uncomfortable seats?

Oh, and one other little detail: I didn't know garbage traveled with us. They play VH1 on airplanes, particularly "reality" TV shows like Ashlee "Hoppity-Hop-while-the-tape-deck-plays" Simpson's. That and these people don't offer in-flight food (anymore?). At least not for free. Then again, who in their right mind woud pay $5 for airplane food? I would, only if I were flying by ACES (Colombian airline, I think it might be deceased). In any other case, they can stick their funny-tasting sandwiches up their ass. I'll have some water with 2 drops of coffee (that which gringos call coffee per se) and that granola bar you're shoving down our throats, I'm sure it tastes better than the shit you're selling, and it's for free. (Either all that makes sense, or I'm just subconsciously bitter about not getting breakfast).

But hey, this is just a few hours, after that, from what I gather, I'm getting pampered for a few days, and best of all: I get to see Dad! ^_^ (oh and another tiny plus on the side- I got a carton of Benson Menthol Light cigarettes for just $20 :-D … AND I saved a bunch of money with Geico!)

Lamaze for the Un-Pregnant.

Ok, tengo que sentarme y respirar hondo. La ansiedad va in crescendo. Me doy cuenta q lo que faltan son dos dias na mas, de hecho, un solo dia laboral de por medio, el resto es, como diria mi padre, ca~i~a'e mono. Pero me voy dando cuenta de que el prospecto de montarme en un avion, aunque no menos atractivo, tambien me aterra ... es una de esas sensaciones entre placer y panico (que cosas no? las dos p)

No es porque me de miedo que se caiga el avion, explote o en general pase una desgracia que me deje sin extremidades o en ultimo caso, sin vida. Esas cosas bien podrian pasar, pero ahi yo no puedo hacer nada. En todo caso montamos balsa y nos tiramos a la Habana y hacemos Lost 2: Latino Edition cha cha cha! con maracas y todo.

Lo que me provoca ansiedad es el prospecto del viaje mismo, y no se si es miedo o simple ansiedad de que llegue ya ese dia. En todo caso, bien podria ser ansiedad por ver a mi padre, pero tambien es esas cosquillitas que se me salen cada vez q voy a viajar (no es muy a menudo, desafortunadamente). Todo ese proceso de esperar en una sala con mas ventanas que las recomendables (no creo q aquellos q sufren de un autentico miedo a volar deban ver como el vuelo con hora de llegada a 30 minutos del despegue del suyo se estrella contra las vallas de la pista y explota, dejando huesos y craneos esparcidos como si hubiese explotado una pi~ata), hacer la filita toda civilizada para montarse en el avion, ver el pasillito con todo y complejo de acordeon (lo que suena es el lamento de los que le tienen fobia a volar, no es un acordeon de verdad, mi gente), sentarse en esa butaquita que a duras penas acomoda el trasero bien alimentado de una ... todo eso ... y mirar por la ventana pa fuera y obsesionarse de modo enfermizo por dos horas con los motores o las helices ... si, es una delicia. De hecho, creo que para combatir la obsesividad voy a llevar mi laptop y par de peliculas que me interesa ver. A ver si en el mejor de los casos se le acaba la bateria justo antes de aterrizar ... el peor de los casos ni lo menciono. Una cosa es llamar al diablo, otra cosa es verlo venirse en tu cara.


Sexaaaaay!

A toda esa expectativa de experiencia, le sumamos la ansiedad por ver a mi padre, que no lo veo hace mas de un a~o... una se imagina (o trata de imaginarse) la cara de el cuando me vea... pero mas comico va a ser ver la temblequera q voy a tener, probablemente si me colocan dentro de un modulo de estudio de movimientos, puedo servir de modelo para el proximo vibrador que lancen al mercado. Nada mas de imaginarme la escena, me estremezco de la felicidad... y la ansiedad.

Deberia viajar mas a menudo, a lo mejor estas pelotudeces no me ocurririan tan violentamente. Bueno, ahi Eze esta considerando unos precios para pasaje a Espa~a en Navidad. De ser ese el caso, la ansiedad va a ser doble: 1) Viaje mas largo, 2) Visita a un lugar nunca antes visto. Me anima mucho el prospecto y soy capaz de dejar mis ahorros ahi, es una experiencia unica (aunq esperaria que fuera un poco mas comun, pero para eso hace falta lo que los cristianos le llaman un "milagrito", y yo le llamo "situacion providencial" ... si, todo suena a que la virgen maria - en minusculas, pq mas comun el nombre no podia ser - de todos modos va a meter la cuchara, me guste o no)


Es diminuta pero esta ahi, la cuchara...

De todos modos, desde alla posiblemente postee algo en este blog, o a lo mejor no, hay que ver que ritmo de vida han adoptado mi padre y mi madrastra. Se que tienen cable modem (o al menos broadband: same shit, different provider) pero segun me cuenta Martha, papi llega a la casa es a conectarse al internet y empezar a bajar musica y etc etc por ahi pa'bajo ... sounds familiar?

It always does ...

Getting Closer

... No se si es la ansiedad o que, pero ultimamente he estado teniendo sue~os muy vividos. Me acuerdo de tres, de los cuales dos tienen que ver con mi familia de parte de papi (a quien muy pronto estare visitando, claro, sin conocimiento de el).

El primero que tuve fue bastante obvio: la ansiedad con el viaje por avion en si. So~e que estaba dando el viaje, pero en vez de estar dentro del avion, estaba sentada en una sillita puesta afuera, sobre el ala ... sin cinturon de seguridad ni nada ... de mas esta decir que el sue~o entero estuve haciendome un ocho tratando de mantenerme sobre la silla. Un susto.

El segundo sue~o tuvo de escenario una casa bastante similar a la ultima casa en la cual papi vivio aqui en PR. Estabamos todos reunidos (todos siendo yo, mis hermanos, mis hermanastros, mi madrastra y mi papa) ... no recuerdo pormenores del sue~o... ya no, q jodienda! A mi se me suele olvidar con facilidad esos detalles.

El de anoche fue mas vivido aun (o al menos esta bien fresquecito en mi mente, aparte de q fue bastante largo... se me pego la sabana y todo). Soñe con tres hombres. Ninguno es mi pareja actual. Pero con todos estaba involucrada (lo cual me parece una puteria de mi parte, pero total: no tengo control sobre lo que sue~o).
Uno de ellos era jovencito, probablemente no mayor de 22 o 23 a~os de edad, palido, bien delgado, de ojos azul electrico(unos ojos muy bonitos, por cierto, y eso que no soy devota de los ojos claros) y pelo rizado, negro. Ese era mi "admirador" fiel, perrito faldero, lo q quieran llamarle. Lindo como el sol, pero con una personalidad sosa por mas decir. Sin embargo en el sue~o me vi en un momento enjorqueta con el... a varios niveles, para ser honesta. Besandolo y abrazandolo con unas ganas incandescentes ... :-S ... y lo peor: considerandolo como pareja en mi mente, aun cuando sabia que dejaba mucho que desear en cuanto a fuerza de personalidad.
El segundo era feo como el rayetes, feo a nivel de este cabron:

... pero menos amarillento. Lo problematico del asunto es que no importa que tan feo y desagradable era, desataba en mi un deseo sexual irreprimible.
El tercero ... H.. No se qué hace H. en mis sue~os, pero bueno, es su problema, no el mio. Lo curioso es que a el era a quien le confesaba toda la verdad ... pq supuestamente era con el con quien yo estaba a nivel formal. Bueno ... un despingue ...

La noche fabulosa q tuve tiene que haberme jamaqueado el cerebro, de seguro. Eso o los Butter Toffee Peanuts dan pesadillas o sue~os extra~os.

Last night I had the weirdest experience yet. I stayed over at Eze's apartment. All normal in the course of things. We had dinner, some beers, we had Pepe over for a visit, a nice time, some fun, it was good. I went to sleep, and Eze followed shortly after (although I barely noticed when he came in, I think I was sound asleep).

Later on, I wake up. Eze was talking in his sleep, almost shouting. Obviously, a nightmare, so I woke him up. I asked him what his dream was, he told me he dreamt of being lost in a forest, which strikes me as funny 'cuz he had woken me up from a dream in which I was walking through a forest with him (not so lost, though). I tell him this and say "Next time look for me, you weren't that lost after all" as if it were the most natural thing (at 2 or 3 AM anything makes sense). Then I went back to sleep. However, it surprises me a bit that I still remember this. I usually forget about dreams and things that happen to me when I'm half asleep. They're usually a blur under my consciousness.

Well, not this time. Seems like Eze and I actually shared a walk through the forest.

Feeling it more acutely. This is going to be a problem. I am fairly regular in my hormonal cycles, which means I might be having this same sensation a month from now ... which means I will be feeling like this just as I return to PR from that long expected vacation at my Dad's. I'm gonna be a mushy pile of shit.

Eze called me this morning: some motherfucking IDIOT smashed his window... apparently with no particular interest, since the only thing removed from the car was a jack hidden under the seat.

My mother has been in a bitchy mood (apparently) since yesterday. When confronted about said mood today she became prim-Miss-Rosie and suddenly ... oh! what have I been talking about? She? a bitch? NEVER! Oh dear, how dare I accuse her of that?! I am the bitch usually and will always be ... shuar!

Anyways, yesterday I had the most funny phone-run-in with my Dad. He was apparently at a loss trying to download some music and he thought it was supposed to be delivered at his e-mail acocunt. But the only thing in his inbox was a message filled with what he described as "binary code" (which I suppose is in truth just a bunch of random letters, numbers and characters). After a desperate call to Eze and some read-over at the site, I realize he needs (well, not so much needs, but that would ease the process) a client to download the mp3s. So I tell him, I download a copy of the exe file over here to guide him along, etc etc ... funny thing is he tells me he had downloaded the program. I tell him to try it again, to uninstall the old one and install the newest version. As soon as he opens his exe file he realizes: he had downloaded de exe file but hadn't run it ever ... he thought that was the way programs work ...


enditoooooo! ^_^ That's my Dad! (the same guy who wrote "Backap" instead of "back up")


Love ya, Dad!

_{(feeling blue, out of sorts, vulnerable, depressed ... looking for an answer deep inside what I know to be true)}




LA ERA ESTA PARIENDO UN CORAZON

Le he preguntado
a mi sombra
a ver como ando
para reirme
mientras el llanto
con voz de templo
rompe en la sala
regando el tiempo.

Mi sombra dice
que reirse
es ver los llantos
como mi llanto
y me he callado
desesperado
y escucho entonces
la tierra llora.

La era esta pariendo
un corazon
no puede mas
se muere de dolor
y hay que acudir corriendo
pues se cae el porvenir.
En cualquier selva del mundo
en cualquier calle.

Debo dejar la casa
y el sillon
la madre vive hasta que muere el sol
y hay que quemar el cielo
si es preciso por vivir
Por cualquier hombre del mundo
por cualquier casa.

Well, haven't posted in a bit and a few changes have gone underway, but all good.

1) I cut my hair, and my stars were good with me this time. My brother liked it, which says a LOT, since he's very nitpicky and extremely honest when it comes to my general appearance. My boyfriend loved it (well, that's what he said, plus his face spoke by itself, so I don't doubt it). And most importantly: I liked it. A lot. It changes my overall look considerably, which I love. So this is a keeper for the moment being. Will post pics later on ('cuz I haven't taken any)

2) Mari broke my ears' hymen! Tee hee ^_^ I got gauge 8 tapers through my earlobes now. They are sore, but getting better ... s l o w l y... Thanx, Mari!

3) This week I started doing my exercise routine with Eze (I had been doing it alone or with my mother). He has given me new drive: he pushes me to jog (or run, I don't know, I am so slow that my sprints could be mistaken for brisk jogs), and yesterday he introduced me to the running track in the UPR, Río Piedras campus. Beautiful, big, spacy, I LOVE it! :D

Tonight we're going to the premiere gala of Mr. & Mrs. Smith. Nice one!

My latest craze: "3D text". I found this website by sheer chance and I haven't let it go much. That's why you see the odd banners in the last few posts. If you wanna spice up your text too (just a bit, nothing fancy, this is not the epitome of graphic design).

Click on the banner up there, in any case I put up the link on my link list at the right. Enjoy! ^_^

The iPod died Saturday night. Today I went to CompUSA to exchange it, expecting an unpleasant time and unsatisfying outcome. The result?


iPod Photo 60Gigabytes

... had to pay no difference, only spent $40 more on an extension on the warranty. Now I see it pays off.

It gave me a bit of a twitch to the heart, to leave an iPod that's been with me for ... hey, for how long? half a year? well, but it had gone through some rough times with me ... I almost felt like crying ... however, new iPod (no name yet)... welcome home.

^_^

It had to happen. After 3 consecutive weekends of spending hours to no end (pleasant and not-so-pleasant) with my family, I had to escape.

Friday night - Eze complied with my whim to go to El Hipopótamo, a Spanish-owned (I think) small restaurant. I had this craving for Serrano ham and some beer, and I got it. Some quality time with Eze, followed by a nice hang-out at El Jíbaro (Río Piedras) with him and Cristina and Syndia (is that what the name is spelled like?). A few beers, too much rain for my taste, and some music. The night ended early. I had to wake up early.

Saturday started early, at about 7:30AM. Eze surprised me by getting up and joining me in my quest for: 1) the dashboard centeriece that was missing for my car, 2) my car's license, 3) my brother's birthday gift. Then I took him to the supermarket. The idea was to get some water (I think). He ended up making some full-fledged grocery shopping. Dropped him off at his apartment and headed home. Whatever happenned that afternoon is blurry. I know I helped some with the laundry, and I know I did some exercise. But it's blurry to me. The day started again when I headed out to the radio station with my sister. A mellow evening of music and gossiping a bit with friends. Then to drop my sister and her girlfriend off. Stopped by the 7-11 to wait a bit for Eze. Had a nice time there (who knew a convenience store would make such a comfy place to talk about whatever, just like in El Cojo, but without the alcohol?). Then I followed Eze home.

Sunday started off with Hotel Rwanda, the telling of a genocide in Rwanda in 1994. Suffice it to say this movie makes you ashamed of being alive. I cried much less than I felt like crying. It broke my heart and I was unable to follow the plan of watching Dogville after that. We dawdled a little after that and then Eze surprised me yet again, and decided to join me to Border's Cafe in Escorial. Mari was supposed to bring some plugs. I have it in mind to get a 4 gauge on each earlobe. She wasn't able to get the plugs she wanted to give me, so it will have to wait a bit longer. However, she and Pepe got me the following belated birthday presents:

A black T-shirt with this design on it:



Another gray shirt with a design of Alice (in Wonderland? Through the Looking Glass? who knows ... ^_^ ) with the Cheshire Cat. It reads something to the effect of "I am not all there" ... these shirts were in my Wishful Thinking list since I saw them. Mari and Pepe are the best! Thanx, guys!

Plus Mari went and gave me something unexpected:


Miyuki-chan in Wonderland

A Japanese anime adaptation of Alice in Wonderland. Quirky. Sexy. Over the top. ^_^ Good thing to really start a collection of Alice in Wonderland stuff (plus I bought the actual books on Saturday, to read them through for real - not the adapted-for-children stuff I read years and years ago).

The night ended too early, I'd say. But then again, this morning I woke up with some difficulty. Sometimes thing work out for the better.

Just for the sake of writing

I find myself being less tolerant of others lately. Some cynism might have found its way into my system ... may be the water. Still feeling like I don't know exactly what I'm waiting for ... my upcoming trip to FLA? moving out of my mom's spare room? dropping those 20+ extra pounds which make me look hideous? cutting my hair into a more manageable/kooky/trendy style?

It's like suddenly I stopped living in the future, none of my "plans" excite me into ecstasy anymore. There are a few things (like all of those mentioned above) which I want to do, some I am doing already (like the diet, which is going ok, considering that half my pot-belly is gone and my mother says the weight loss is noticeable around the hips ... or the hairstyle change, which I made an appointment for in a week).

But my usual pasttime, my favorite, daydreaming, doesn't happen all that easily anymore. :-( Something is missing in me: the child-like illusion that "tomorrow holds a better surprise yet". I don't know what took that away from me. It makes me sad that somehow, at a certain point or juncture, I lost the ability to dream.

Is this what "being an adult" feels like? If this is it, even though it's not terribly disgusting, I wish I could go back to the extreme ups and downs, the emotional outlook on life. The extreme happiness combined with the depressing down-times. I don't want a gray life. I want my vivid-colors filter back. :-(

Whoever took it: please return said item.

Well, finally the dreaded weekend came and passed, but not without leaving a few stories behind to tell.

Thursday, after work, I rushed home to get out of my work pants and into a pair of jeans, to coax my sister into my car (she does need coaxing... if we were to move at her pace, the world would be a sloth bear waiting for the sun to spin around it). The plan was to make it to Escorial by 6PM and hold places for Eze, Popu, David, Alfonso, Iohann, Crappy, Cheo, Pepe ... did I forget anyone? sorry if I did **blush** Got there in time to make second place (btw: the movie was Star Wars: Episode 3) and waited for Eze to arrive so he could hold place in my stead (I was quite hungry, hadn't had dinner). Well, during the whole wait 'til 9PM, we were able to eat dinner, argue with the ushers, argue with some fellow line-holders, have a nice conversation with Pepe and later with Alfonso, and eventually get irritated at the heat, the line, the world in general... oh, and see an ankle biter of less than 3' of height wearing a Darth Vader helmet. Yep ... fun fun fun at the movies, specially when it's second day of showing a movie that brings too many people to the theatres.

I didn't worry much about the time we got home. Friday was my sister's high school graduation. Not worrying was a mistake. I woke up much more tired than I went to bed. But "show must go on", or so said Fred Mercury. I expected the graduation to be a long pain in the ass. It was actually short and sweet, to the point. No use in prolonging a painful experience. I was able to take a few charming snapshots. No crying was involved in this particular ceremony. Weird. It's almost as if these kids held no nostalgia for the school they were graduating from. I'd say they were glad to be out of there. Very bland, indeed. Usually these events are characterized by hordes of weeping, hugging, reminiscing teenagers. Not this time around. Either the school is that fucked up (I don't doubt it) or the generation in question is not as emotional as ours was (I don't doubt it either, but the school is fucked up).

After the graduation (which was attended to by my mother, my sister's girlfriend, and myself) the proverbial "celebration lunch" had to be held (yes, I guess it's a cultural thing: after a graduation, you HAVE to eat). And of course, the place to head to is usually Graduates Haven: Dennys. This time was no exception (I remember: my graduation finished at midnight, 10 years ago ... we headed to Dennys, nonetheless). I called Eze to invite him (Dennys is pretty close to his workplace) so he popped up! ^_^ so cute of him to join.

The lunch was uneventful, however everyone insisted the service was terrible. Could I be so absent-minded that I didn't notice this? Either that or reading the Waiter Rant Blog has given me a different outlook on what a waiter has to go through. I think I said a few cue things to help them understand it's not easy working at an under-staffed restaurant filled with a crowd of mainly students and families flocking in from a graduation ceremony 10 blocks away. We left the minimum tip. Sorry. :-/

We headed home immediately. The idea for me was to head right out to Xtreme Auto Body (a workshop where I ordered the dashboard piece missing in my car) and then to work. But I fell asleep. Profoundly asleep. 'Til almost 5. It felt like I had passed out. Then, I woke up feeling sick (the usual lately: allergies, sinus congestion, etc). I had promised to take Vivi (my sis's gf) to her house. I did (I did, right?) and then I picked Eze up to go for a brief dinner. The craving? Serrano Ham @ El Hipopótamo. What we did? Churrasco steak & tostones @ Dos Pinos. I still owe myself that Serrano ham with a nice, cold beer. Went home early enough to pump myself full of meds and go to sleep right away.

Saturday started out earlier than I would have liked: 9AM ... to be in time for an appointment at 12PM. My mom is a bit of an overkill at times. But this once around I think it worked well. Time enough to run to the post office and to the drug store to get a few bottles of water and soda for the road (I keep forgetting my mom sees any trip longer than 15 minutes as an expedition) . We got there in time. And it didn't take more than 3 hours: my sister, my mother and me - hairstyles and plus. My sister got a beautiful hairdo, like a crisscross of hair forming a net falling to the back of her hair, very pretty and dainty. Plus, seeing her with straight hair is a treat that won't be repeated for a loooong time. My mom got the layered haircut she always wanted, but had never gotten due to ... I'd say incompetent, untalented hair salon workers --- no, those are NOT stylists. Then she got her hair straightened out and styled with a blower. I think she might trade stylists. ;-) I got a high updo, quite 50's or 60's style. And a trim. And got an appointment for the fortweekend. I really need a change.

Well, after 2'45", we were ready, so we rushed home to get ready. It was 3PM and we had to be at the hotel at 6PM for the family photo shoot (oh, how I hate that!). So rush rush, prim prim, clack clack, we were out the door by 5:45 PM. We got there quite on time: the photographer was setting up when we arrived. The whole photographer and wait ordeal was stupid, boring, prolonged...

People apparently get airs of superiority when they dress up. Proms are an excuse for young girls to learn how to do this (and how to teeter-totter in high heels, set themselves in uncontrollably vapid banter, and lose their virginity - if they haven't yet). The whole group filed in and profiles were read for each grad student: Name, who was walking in with them (mom, dad ... there was a poor soul who was marching in with her boyfriend's father, makes me wonder), any characteristic which might have stood out enough for the popular pricks to notice and jot down into that little, silk-clad, beaded notebook of theirs (poor nerds, they were probably "friendly and sociable", even if they were never invited to the populars' table), and where & what they were going to study (as if it were written in stone! there was this one girl I truly admire, who braved having her profile declare she was admitted to General Studies ... yes, she's headed to try it all and arrive to an informed decision on what to do with her life ... loser **insert rolleye smiley here**). Most kids had these very important-sounding future careers and studies plans jotted down on their profile. I guess they haven't realized that sometimes life doesn't work out like a planner book. Let's see how many of these teen sluts become pregnant by age 22.

The rest of it was a joke: mediocre food, and flocks of people rushing the buffet tables, because apparently they didn't eat all day to make space for the "delicious hotel food" they were gonna eat

... excuse me? The chicken was fucking overcooked, dry and bland.

Then the music, cranked up to ear-piercing volume -- and bad music at it, nothing I could actually enjoy, plus I might be wrong, but nowadays they play merengue, and almost no one goes to the dance floor like they used to. Kids these days are disconnected from their parents' tropical eagerness. But then play some reggaetón and all hell breaks loose. I tried finding my sister in that human knot that immediately took shape in the front. Mission: Impossible.

I decided to kill time by walking back and forth throughout the hotel with my brother (long talks ensued) and my mother (beer-drinking from a foam container in the trunk of my car ensued). We enjoyed a bit of classical music being played at the wedding reception being held in the space accross the hall (in juxtaposition to the horrendous cookie-cutter beats blasting from my sister's prom). We saw a girl sitting on a wheelchair, with an ice bag held to her head, later learned that a light bulb had fallen on her head in the bathroom (that must be a real bummer: having a lightbulb crash on your head in your prom night ... nearest thing to Carrie you can get in this island). We had the chance to have a silent argument over table spaces with this bitch sitting accross us (supposedly, a reporter; to me? a cheap $4/hour whore, dressed up in Kress Formalwear) Well, my sister makes me proud: she bailed at 11PM. Short and sweet. Thanks, Chichi! Kiwi and I will always thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Got home, ditched the poppy skirt for a pair of jeans, the flat, black pumps for some nice, comfy slippers ... called Eze, jumped in his car, headed to oblivion... well. actually to his parents' in Toa Baja, but good enough for me. Yesterday was as relaxed as could have been. Thanx, Eze! ^_^ Now...


back to reality. THANKFULLY!

Intellect for the "less-than-masses" ... one ... TO GO!

I'm sleepy, not in the best of moods... I don't know where this one came from, but all touchy-feely tendencies are far gone ... right now I'm sleepier than most days at this godforsaken time (nearing 3PM) and I wanna sleep far away from everyone and everything. Just pop into a bubble and float far away. At least until next sunrise.



My apologies to everyone involved. I guess I will feel better in time.

You scored as One Intelectual Individual. You're a thinker. You see things from a very different prospective than the rest of the world, and probably find release and self-expression in music, painting, sculpting, or any other form of art. People see you as a deep person, full of knowledge that they don't understand. People are attracted to that, but there's a good chance you don't care. One Intelectual Individual 100% New Age Hippie 75% Earth-Child 75% Original Hippie 63% Pothead 38% Not a Hippie 25% What type of hippie are you? created with QuizFarm.com

It's been intense...

Few instances of what's been happenning to me have popped up in this blog. I'm talking about only a week, maybe less, of things happenning in my life. However, they're many and intense, and all interrelated.

#1 - I got this brilliant idea for Father's Day. Given it that Mother's Day was at best ho-hum, at worst totally dreadful, I decided to give myself and my Dad the best possible gift. Out of the blues and without asking all too many people, I bought a plane ticket to Fort Myers, FLA. Obviously round-trip (for those who fear for either my mental sanity or my tendencies to flight ... or both, yes, it can happen). For five days ... however, I forgot one little detail: work. Now it's all up to Mr. Dreyfous's humanity to see if I can go on the appointed date. Otherwise it's another wad of $$$ out of my pocket to fix that little mixup.

#2 - All the while, I am getting these flight spasms (you know I had to get them somehow) ... what I mean is --- I want out of my mother's house. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of having no space (either physical or emotional) and no peace. Things with mom are getting a bit out of hand. The peace truce is over, it's time for me to move. A good friend tells me she's about to buy a house... so let's see what happens, but I offered at least a year of help and company. I think we could help each other a lot that way.

#3 - Issues with Eze. Yeah, but that is not for me to discuss here.

#4 - Big issues with my mom - cuz she totally deserves another point for herself, all alone.

I just hope I can get to see my Dad ... and move out of home. Bide my time, yes ... I know...

An image

... speaks in a million voices what the heart won't say.


Funny how we already seemed comfortable with each other, even if we weren't even a couple yet. We've come a long way since then, but it still feels brand new.